Dreaming is a form of planning

Not everything in life has a map to follow.

Over the weekend I visited my childhood home in the Bay Area. The day I left, I cleared out some of my closet - old photos, journals, artwork, yearbooks.

Something you should know: I am extremely low on sentimentality. So all this stuff has been sitting there, gathering dust. Like, forever. I told my Mom to just throw it all out but I guess she thought I was kidding?

The morning I left, I grabbed most of it and shoved it in my car thinking either I’d throw it out or that possibly, maybe some of it would be useable for collaging (it was! I made the piece above with old photos).

And now that I’m home, going through these old photos, I’m reminded of a time in my life post-college when I was living at home, working a job, lonely AF. I had decided to get a Nixon D40 and take a photography class. This was 2003, before everyone had a camera on their phone. That Nixon was probably the most money I’d ever spent on anything. Big splurge for little ol’ me.

And I’m so proud of myself for buying it. I remember being terrified walking into the camera store. What are you doing? You’re not a photographer. Who are you to buy a fancy camera? You can’t really afford this. They’re gonna laugh at you.

Oof. The voice of the saboteur can be so strong.

But I bought the dang thing. And that camera became a friend. I roamed the streets of Mountain View with it, took it took to the park, lugged it with me on vacation, proclaimed myself the photog at every birthday party, every event. Captured whatever captured me. Here are some photos from that time.

The other week, I posted a quote to Instagram:

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

Friends responded. Wow this speaks to me, one said. I never thought of it like that, said another.

Not everything in life has a map to follow. Not everything is A+B=C.

When I decided to buy that camera, I didn’t have a plan to become a photographer. I just had an interest in photography and a tiny dream of being an artist and thought having a camera would be cool. That’s it! That was the “plan”!

You don’t have to know, you know? You have an internal guide to help you. Your guide knows. If you get quiet, get bored, if you allow for blank space, blank canvas, blank page and mix in a little faith — the page will fill. Something will surface. And if you follow that, who knows where it will lead you!

It’s like I was talking about last week. You gotta flow. Resistance will fight you every step of the way. He’s an asshole like that. My friend and musician, Steph Modder, put it like this:

Capital “R” Resistance is always ready to put a choke hold around art’s throat before a first breath is able to escape her lips.

Jump and pray and buy the camera,

Joce