Be like the spider
You ever been in a funk?
I first learned this term from a mentor I had in high school. Not exactly sure what it meant for her, but for me it usually means I'm in a shit mood because I've burned the wick at both ends. You know, burnout.
The main reason I burn out? Feeelinngsss. Oh yeah. The real F word. Feelings can be hard. I have a lot of them and I don't always take the time I need to sort through them all.
I'm an empath, an emotional sponge. Sometimes when I'm in a funk, I have no idea why. I can't even be certain that what I'm feeling are my own feelings! I can sop up all kinds of fun stuff from other people and my environment. Good times!
Knowing this about myself is helpful. Even if I'm not sure what's coming up or where they're coming from, I'm learning to sit with my feelings as a way out of them. Like, the storm is here and we're just going to hunker down under some warm blankets, make a pot of tea, and wait for it to pass.
Yesterday I discovered six Brown Widow spider egg sacs hiding under a succulent leaf in one of my planters. Significant in part because each sack contains 120-150 spiderlings. Hello, nightmares!
Still, something in me wanted to keep those sacs (they're pretty cool looking) so I spooned them into a mason jar. As I was doing this, I came across the dead mom. Brown Widows have bright orange marks on their bellies. This made her easy to spot. I spooned her on in.
Imagine my surprise (shock! horror! delight!) when a few minutes after being in the jar, SHE CAME ALIVE. Rather than biting me (thank you, sis!) she had gone the "play dead" route. What a performance! She even managed to look hollow like bugs do when they've been dead for a while. Give this spidey an Oscar for real.
When the funk descends on me, I want to be like the spider, ya know? In those times of burnout, it's enough just to survive. Breathe. Savasana. Play Dead. Look fabulous. Wait for the storm to pass.
I don't have to fight it or fight through it or even know what it's all about. You know the saying shit happens? I don't have to make it shittier by using my precious venom! I can just keep...calm and carry on. Sorry, I guess that's a saying for a reason.
Does anything in nature despair expect man? An animal with a foot caught in a trap does not seem to despair. It is too busy trying to survive. It is all closed in, to a kind of still, intense waiting. Is this key? Keep busy with survival. Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.
Jump + pray + be like the spider 🕷️ —
Joce
You're Invited: Opening reception!
The Ojai Studio Artists' exhibition at the Ojai Valley Museum this year is Perception & Persistence. Come hang with me at the exhibition Opening Reception this Friday, July 29 from 5-7pm. It's free!
Now Reading: Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton
"I am here alone for the first time in weeks," May Sarton begins this book, "to take up my 'real' life again at last. That is what is strange—that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life, unless there is time alone in which to explore what is happening or what has happened."
